In this article, my friend Alli, gives us a pep talk for DMs. We all know self-doubt, and Alli has some encouraging words for every DM out there.

The self-doubt of DMs

Do you feel like your DM skills are lacking? Do you wonder whether the way you portrayed the noble queen last session was believable and impressive enough? Is your plot too boring if the players have out-of-character conversations? Do your players still want to play with you after a player character died in the last battle?

Well, my dear fellow DMs, please have a seat, and here is a cup of tea. You are doing great!

As a DM, we are quick to judge ourselves. Was the session and the pacing good? Did everyone have fun? Is the plotline clear enough, but not too obvious? Was the battle not too easy, but not too difficult either? And so on…

The reason for this is of course the expectations we put on ourselves. DMing comes with a certain amount of prep time. The stages pre-session, mid-session, and post-session automatically require thinking about, what has happened and what could happen next. When expectations meet reality during these steps, we automatically reflect on the quality of the sessions. And there is lot of room for self-criticism and self-doubt during that process.

As a player, on the other hand, it’s very easy to show up on the day of the session, not having thought about the character, not having read the rules, sitting down at the table, arms crossed, and say: “I didn’t like it. I wasn’t having any fun.” After the session it is again very easy as a player to close the book, put everything that happened aside and take the character sheet out of the backpack again 5 minutes before the start of the next session. There can be an imbalance between the energy spent as a DM and as a player, which might lead to frustration.

Don’t be too hard on yourself

When I say, “You are doing a great job,” I mean that you put effort and passion into this hobby. Before your next session, you will make up your mind about the world, the characters, and the next encounters. Regardless of whether you write the story yourself, following the guidelines of a prescribed adventure or perhaps you make it up on the spot: you will spend energy and time on your game. So, pat yourself on the back every now and then and remember: „You put passion and effort into this hobby, and for that you are good enough.”

Of course, there is room to improve. But sometimes it’s worth to look back and see how far you’ve already come, to see the progress that you’ve made, and to acknowledge the moments of fun that you and your players have already had at the table.

It’s okay to say no

As a DM, it’s very easy to put yourself in charge of being responsible for the fun at the table. Roleplaying games are interactive games. Both the DM and the players are necessary to play. Therefore, keep in mind that it is okay to give feedback to your players if certain situations or circumstances make you uncomfortable. You too have boundaries that you may communicate, and you should enjoy the hobby as much as your players.

Communication is key

That’s probably not news to you if you’ve read this previous article on why, when, and how to talk to players. A few additional tips though on how to address problems with the group:

• Scheduled check ins: Plan to check in with your players. Do little feedback rounds and try to solve conflicts as soon as possible.
• Cards: Some people have issues to speak up when communicating issues. Or sometimes it’s hard to interrupt the flow of a session. It may help to use a card with a symbol on it or a little LED candle that can be lit mid-session to indicate that there is a problem. For that the scene can be ended naturally before addressing the issue. It just quickly creates awareness.
• Surveys: If you don’t like direct feedback, it can also help to do a little online survey to see if there are any issues that should be talked about.

That also includes our opinion as DMs. It does not have to be solely our job to deal with conflicts. If solving conflicts is not your strong suit, a player may help you to communicate or solve problems in the group. Remember, we are not alone and it’s not only our job to provide a good time for everyone else. We should have a good time, too. It takes some courage to put ourselves out there, doing funny voices, providing story beats, creating challenges and improvise. And for that, it’s okay to communicate that we are also in a vulnerable position.

A gift for a gift

In all the hustle and bustle that D&D brings with it, we sometimes forget to notice the little gifts that we give to the players and which the players also give back. It is often the case that we put a lot of time into a round simply because we are preparing the session. For that it can quickly lead to frustration if half of the party arrives late or is on their cell phones during the epic BBEG speech. Communication is key. If this permanently spoils your fun, broach the subject.

But also try to recognize that you are not the only person „giving“, and the players are always “taking”. Recognize the little gifts from the players. For example, a player has prepared a speech that they throw at the opponent before casting a spell. Maybe a player writes recaps as a diary entry from their character’s perspective, or they bought a set of dice that they associate with their character. This means they connect with the game. Be a fan of your player characters. Another kind of gift may also be that a player offers their apartment as a place to play, or they always bring snacks. Sometimes it’s the small gestures that show that everyone involved contributes something to the overall experience. You just need to notice and appreciate it.

It’s better to run a game than to not play at all

One of the biggest stereotypes about nerds is, “Oh, they just want to escape reality.” Sometimes that is true. Everyone who plays D&D has their own reasons. Maybe it‘s the dramatic roleplaying, being a hero, being creative in world building, getting lost in combat mechanics, exploring other worlds, experiencing different circumstances, training social skills, diving deep into human psychology, having a good time with your friends, or maybe… it‘s the snacks at the table. There are many aspects and different play styles in roleplaying games. But in the end, you, my fellow DMs, you are the reason why people can have those experiences. You are providing people the chance to play D&D. And that’s great.

Storytime

Before my DM pep talk is over, I’ll pour you one more tea and invite you for a little story time.

The last ten years I worked towards attending a certain university. And during the application process I started to play D&D regularly every week. The rejection from university hit hard. But in that specific week, there was still a scheduled D&D session. So, I went. And after the session, when all the self-doubt and the scary unknown of the future were about to bring me down, there was also a next D&D session scheduled. So… I had two options… I could let the fear of, “What do I do now in life?” wash over me… or I could think about what my character does in the next D&D session. Personally, I am not a fan of that prejudice about nerds, but during these following weeks I was glad that I could escape reality for a while and still have fun despite the circumstances.

Remember, sometimes, it doesn’t matter how good your NPC voices or creature noises are. Sometimes it doesn’t matter if your players find all the plot hooks, and if your story is original and creative enough. It matters that you are there. It matters that you are willing take the seat as a DM, that you provide the opportunity to play roleplaying games for a certain amount of people, and that you care about the hobby. In the end, everyone just wants to have a good time regardless of their personal challenges. That is key.

Turn the self-criticism into a force that keeps you moving!

On behalf of all players, thank you for taking the time, courage, and passion that you put into your game. If there is a tiny villainous imp-like voice of self-doubt in your head, kick it in the butt once in a while or put it into the time-out chair (Also a dice jail might work). If you allow that voice, that self-criticism, to stop you from DMing, then it will result in several people not being able to play roleplaying games at all. And that would be a shame.

Pat yourself on the back and be proud of the effort that you put into this hobby. Keep fighting those insecurities and turn the self-criticism into a force that keeps you moving. You are doing great!

What to do next? Go out there, be creative and have fun in your next D&D session.

Adieu and Farewell,

Yours faithfully, Alli